Learn
Serve
GiveThe Challenge Facing Families
How does a family connect its prosperity to its values of service and giving?
It seems to us that over time and for some large percentage of families, there can come into being a certain moral irony: just as a family gains more resources to serve and benefit others, the more it loses the ability to practice giving and service.
If we were to make some very broad generalizations about the different stages of material abundance enjoyed by families, we feel this challenge especially confronts family in the upwardly mobile stage.
The following chart is meant to depict why this stage can be so challenging. It is a generalization, so of course will fail to capture every family and its unique nuances. Also, it is not meant to suggest that every or even most families successively undergo each of these stages. Some families only move from one stage to another their whole lives; some not at all. But we’ve found these stages to nevertheless provide some helpful generalizations.
| Pre-Mobile | Upwardly Mobile | Newly Arrived | Fixed | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Finances | Obligation driven (school loans, first house, new child) |
Capital creation (rising income over expenses and new asset classes) |
Wealth (large discretionary amounts available) |
Legacy driven (inheritance focused, either as recipient or as giver) |
| Career | Initial toehold | Rapid advancement | Leadership | Statesman |
| Potential for Giving | Expressive (sub $1K amounts that show support for the recipient’s aims) |
Strategic ($1K to $10K amounts that notably enhance a recipient’s operations) |
Transformational (plus $10K amounts that enable new initiatives) |
Institutional (large amounts relied upon by recipients for their existence) |
| Children | None or early age | Formative years | Leaving nest | Independent |
| Location | Lifestyle driven (often urban, culturally mixed, near higher education centers) |
School quality driven: (suburbs, more homogenous, expensive homes) |
“Dream home” (e.g. custom built, second homes, etc.) |
Longstanding (often with traditional commitments to a geographic area) |
| Time and Energy | Stretched (with some flexibility especially if there is only the first child) |
Very inflexible | Renewing (as children and careers mature) |
Flexible (either by retirement or as inheritor) |
| Networks | Diverse (collegiate ties, diverse neighbors, new work settings, interests) |
Restricted (by time, narrower work relationships, and homogenous location) |
Expanding (as wealth and social status introduces new connections) |
Exponential (well connected and sought after by many) |
Just as a family gains more resources to serve and benefit others, the more it loses the practical ability for giving and service.
A glance at this table shows why the gap between resources and ability to serve feels so troublesome at the upwardly mobile stage. At this stage, the categories describing one’s resources are expanding (finances, career, and potential for giving). But the categories that determine the family’s practical ability to serve are constricting (location, time/energy, and networks). And this is gap is opening precisely when the category that demands a family live out and pass on its deepest values (children) becomes more insistent
The following examples illustrate some of the dilemmas facing families who value service and giving:
1. When a couple got married out of business school 10 years ago, one of the first 
financial decisions they made together was to support a five year old African girl via an international child sponsorship organization. That child’s face has been displayed on their refrigerator for the past decade. But this year the girl is graduating from the program and the sponsorship organization is asking if they want to select another child. The request prompts them to realize that the same percentage of income they set aside for this purpose 10 years ago applied to their current income would mean that they could sponsor a whole village in Africa. Should they? Is that particular organization the best one to keep supporting? Are there better philanthropic investments out there? How will they find the time and expertise to answer those questions? And is there even enough space on a Sub Zero for an entire village?
2. For much of the children's early years, a Caucasian family lived in 
an urban
neighborhood with an ethnic and socio-economic diversity. The four year old
learned rudimentary Spanish from the playground. The six-year-old son would
ask his mom about the homeless man in the street. But when the kids got a bit
older, the family moved to the suburbs for better schools. Their new neighborhood
is 95% white and of the well educated professional class. How do the parents
continue to convey to their kids as they grow up that the world is not just
made up of people like themselves? How do they grow in valuing service to the
needy when there are no obviously needy people around? And how can they find
out if there are others in their neighborhood who share their values and are
asking similar questions?
3. As a college student, the man partnered with a group of peers to create a dynamic
tutoring program for at risk, inner-city youth. The man went on to be a successful
lawyer and was just made partner. But he has never forgotten about those kids.
He knows that many of that generation are probably in gangs and he wants to
reconnect with the needs of that population. But how does he go about it? He
has lost touch with his fellow classmates who founded the program, and he no
longer knows anyone currently working in the gang prevention field. He knows
that simply wading in as a wealthy donor who will write a large check will be
counter-productive. And yet if he were to seek a more personal connection, his
60 hour work week means he would need to do something on a weekend, time he
needs to spend with his kids. The kids know nothing about inner city youth beyond
the popular media… and they also know little about their father’s
past commitment to that population. How can he meaningfully share that part
of himself with his kids?
Learn more about SixSeeds' guiding values in addressing these issues